living together

Communication and Roommates

A bit of backstory: I'm talkative and outgoing and process verbally. One of my roommates was introverted and processed internally.

I would come back and chat with her about the day, what was going on etc. I started to feel like she didn't want to hear about it, so I quit talking to her about things like that. I tried to make the room a quiet place where she didn't have to be annoyed by my talking.

She took my silence as a sign of dislike for her. She thought I regretted taking her as my roommate and in turn, tried to not talk to me because she didn't think I wanted her to.

She thought I was being passive aggressive, and I thought she didn't want to talk to me. Simultaneously we made our communication problem bigger until one day, and I don't remember how, we figured out that I didn't hate her, and she didn't hate me.

As a communication major, it was interesting to see how our perceptions of our interactions were so different from our intentions. We were both trying to please the other person but it came off as being mean to the other person.

I could have talked to my roommate about our problems long before I did but I am pretty non-confrontational. I also could have reached out to our R.A. for advice on the situation.

Thankfully we figured out that neither of us hated the other. Do you have any advice for dealing with roommates?